Bit by bit, I am starting to populate the shelves at the Continued Care Facility with my own stuff. It’s mostly stuff to read, notebooks of random thoughts, medical odds and ends, a few froo-froo items and of course…the technology! I’m certainly the only room in the building with a wireless printer! We are doing all we can to make me feel at home. Mom even brought me a t-shirt and shorts so I get a reprieve from the nasty, faded hospital gowns I’ve been wearing for three weeks.
It’s a good thing because I’m going to need a lot of help to stay sane over the next few weeks. It looks like I will be here for at least six weeks. Whatever is taking over my liver seems determined. We don’t expect it to budge for some time. The bacteria in my blood is fairly easy to get, but the the three in my liver (I think it’s 3; I’ve lost count) are vengeful and one (VRSE) is particularly nasty. My facts may be a bit off here. It’s hard to keep track when your daily doctor meeting starts of with, “well we’ve found something else…”. But I think we’re through discovering new bacteria.
SO, today my body decided to try something different to make life interesting. No new bacteria today. Instead, my right hip has decided to quit working. I’m sure it is nerve damage related to the displaced liver and abscess. I’m able to walk in a very contorted manner clutching my Christmas Tree – the pole of drugs I take for a walk to keep up my strength – at least I did.
I don’t really walk, I just sort of jerk and sway. If I put enough jerk into the sway, I go forward. Too little jerk and my right knee twists inward and mashes my toe into the ground. If it doesn’t result in excruciating pain, I sort of resemble young Forrest Gump teaching a hot new performer a few dance moves. At one point this afternoon, I felt like I could have gotten on a pretty impressive “Forrest Gump” move for Elvis Presley back at the old boarding house. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, rent Forrest Gump this weekend.)
We did an x-ray of my hip, but didn’t find anything. Tomorrow they’ll hit me with another CT Scan. It’s on the first floor so that will be a big field trip for me!
I’m trying to remain strong, but I also promised that I would be authentic so I have to honestly say that being bed-ridden sucks. Objects just out of reach, entice me and tease me. I don’t want the magazine on my nightstand that I could easily retrieve. I want the newspaper on the shelf right where my fingers can flutter the page, but not close enough to get my thumb around the fold. I don’t know if I am going to feel like doing my nails later, but I want the emery board and lotion here right now just in case. Please don’t make me ask for it later. Fill my cup full of ice, not halfway. Otherwise, I’ll be waking you in a few minutes for more. I can’t bear that I constantly need someone to refill me when I am parched.
This is not the first time that I have been forced to learn to let go and let others do for me. If I am not careful, these feelings of helplessness will overtake me. I need your help to keep that from happening!
